Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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