Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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