im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
