Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
