I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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