Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
