You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
