I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
