I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
3pm strippers are depressing
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
