I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she pinky promised me she was 18
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
