You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
