he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
