His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
