If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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