Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
