ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
