Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
