he shaved USA in his pubs
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
