i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
