She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
