I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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