Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
