It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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