You're my little dorito
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
