I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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