you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
