I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
