Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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