I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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