I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
