"it" just moved
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
