you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
