We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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