I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
