dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
