I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
