and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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