We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
