one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
