Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
