Non-Jews are for practice
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
