Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
