If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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