Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
