I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
