i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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