Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
