Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
