He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
