No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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