Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
