she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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