who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
