I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
