So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
