Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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