i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
