omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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