all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
