I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
